Blue Butterfly
by PunkRockPessimist
Summary: Silver has a daydream and realisation hits her. Will Kelly be able to help her? How will Silver cope? Warning: suicide and O/C femslash ABANDONED, sorry guys
1. NoOne Loves Me

A/N Hey guys, wrote the begining of this in English with my friend Steph, so sorry if it doesn't fit in with the rest of the story, I just liked it and it inspired me to write my first fanfiction! I'm sorry if it's no good. I'm not sure whether to write about when she gets home or not, tell me what you think! Please R/R! Thanks

**Blue Butterfly**

In the shadows of the eerie library, the leather-bound spine of one particular book stands out. I pull down the book to see what secrets it holds, as I open the cover- the words start to glow. The ancient, yellowed paper eels fragile under my strong grip, the pages start to flap. My world starts spinning and suddenly goes black as I'm sucked into a land void of life. As I look across the dry, barren plains- searching to a single sign of hope. I look down to my hands and I am amazed to see an electric blue butterfly, flying away from me. The book was replaced by the beautiful blue butterfly, how am I going to get home? I start to chase after it, but flies too fast- always just out of my reach.

It flies over a hill and I chase after it, but when I get to the bottom, the butterfly is no where to be seen. When I turn around I can't see where I came from- there is no way out!- I start to panic and I look around for the one thing I know in this strange, empty place- just as I think that all hope is lost, the stunning blue butterfly appears right beside me. I reach out a single hand and it lands on my palm. I am caught in a vortex of colour as I'm pulled back to reality. The butterfly's wings had been cut.

The book was in my hands again and I was lying on the floor. The silence pressing in on my eardrums until it feels like they are about to burst. I can't remember the last time I felt happy, everything is black. That butterfly is gone and it took all the hope I had with it. I can feel the weight of my bag that is half on my ankle, I reach down to it and pull it up next to me- I stick my hand in and search blindly for my swiss army knife. I feel something prick my skin and I grab it, sure enough my finger is bleeding, but I found what I was looking for. I pull out my phone and dial Kelly's number, hoping she would pick up immediately.

"Silver? Is that you?" came Kelly's worried voice

"Yeah Kelly, it's me."

"Are you alright? Where are you? Have you been hurt?" she asked me, franticly

"I'm fine, Kel. I just called to say that I'm sorry. And that I've never deserved a sister like you. You have always taken care of me, and I just wanted you to know that I love you- and I want you to remember that. You are the best sister in the world-" I was cut off by Kelly.

"Silver, why are you talking like you're never going to see me again? I thought you said you were alright!" Kelly sounded scared.

"I am alright, I just wanted to tell you before I do something." I replied

"Silver..."she trailed off, trying to understand what I said. "Where are you?" she asked abruptly

"Kelly-I'm not telling you where I am!" I responded, a little bit harsher than I meant to be

"Yes you are Erin Silver! Tell me where you are, please!" Kelly sounded so desperate, it tore my heart to pieces. I could hear that she was crying

"Kelly, I'm going to be happier than I have been in a long time. Just let me do what I have to do!" I responded immediately

"I'll do whatever you need me to do, for you to be happy! Please, just tell me where you are!" it hurt me to know that I was hurting her this badly, she sounded so desperate.

"I'm at the library. I broke in so you're not going to need the police or anything to get in" I caved, exasperated

"I'll be there in about ten minutes! Okay?" she sounded like she was running, probably to her car.

"Okay" I responded. She hung up on me, probably so she could get here quicker.

Kelly has always been like a mother to me, she is a hell of a lot better than my real mother. I lay there thinking about my mother, about Jackie, when I suddenly remembered why I was doing this. I was doing it because there has never been a time when I was truly happy. I was doing this because no-one loved me, no-one but Kelly and she only said she loved me after she found out what had been going on with mum- after she realised that no-one else loved me, so she felt that she had to help me, to love me.

I quickly grab the blade, I have to do this before Kelly gets here. I place the blade on my wrist and pause for a second, before applying pressure to it and gliding it along my arm, I do the same to the other arm. I quickly write a letter to my sister, telling her that I love her and that she should never forget it, before the black overcomes me. The last thing I hear is a car screeching to a halt outside the library. It's Kelly. She came for me! Maybe she really does love me! Oh well, too late if she does.

* * *

"Silver!" I hear myself scream as I first see the broken body of my baby sister lying in a pool of her own blood. She looks so small and fragile. I race over to her while dialing 911, checking to see if there was any pulse, she was still alive, but only just.

The ambulance arrives in three minutes. Those three minutes felt like three lifetimes to me, watching my helpless, baby sister grow weaker and weaker every second they took to get here. The paramedics rush over and start asking me questions like 'how long has she been like this' and 'how strong was her pulse when you found her'. After checking her pulse and bandaging her arms they finally put her in the back of the ambulace, I get in too, just to make sure she's okay. Before I know it they are rushing her into the hospital and taking her into an O.R to give her a blood transfusion, I am left to fill out the paper work alone in the waiting room. Waiting to find out whether or not they were able to save my baby.

After what feels like forever my name is called and I jump out of my chair as fast as I can. She's okay. Silver's okay, they said that she still isn't out of the woods yet, but she's a Taylor- a fighter. I am allowed to go and see her, they said that she is still unconcious and that they had to sedate her, so she won't be waking up for at least a few hours. I walk into her room and I see her lying there, she looks so innocent. There is no way that this beautiful, child-like girl just tryed to kill herself. No way. But she did and now I have to find out why she was so upset that she thought that the only logical way to make it better was to take her own life.

I must have fallen asleep, because I awoke with a start, Silver was shifting slightly in her bed- she was waking up.

* * *

When I woke up bright lights stung my eyes, but when I got used to it I saw Kelly sitting in a chair next to my bed.

"How are you feeling?" she asks me

"Like complete and utter crap. You?" I answer

"_You're_ the one in hospital and you're asking me how _I'm_ feeling? How are you so selfless Silver?" she asks, shocked

"It's a habit I picked up with Mum. Whenever I was hurt I asked her if she was okay because if I didn't she would scream at me for hours" I replied truthfully.

"Oh" was all she could manage to say, she looked guilty.

We sat in silence for a while, until I asked how long I would have to stay in the hospital for.

"You will have to stay here for monitoring for a week" Kelly answers, almost robotically

"Why? I'm fine, honestly!" I exclaimed

"You're not fine Silver, you tried to kill yourself. You are not okay, so don't even try to tell me that you are. I might have believed you before I saw you in a pool of your own blood, but I sure as hell don't believe you now! I just don't want to lose you Silver, just remember that" Kelly replied, I could see that she was being sincere.

"Okay" I said. I tried to give her a hug, but when I lifted my arms I winced, my arms were killing me. She noticed this and came over and hugged me.

"It's going to be okay, baby. Don't try to move your arms, you'll just hurt yourself and I really, _really_ don't want you in any more pain!" Kelly whispered through my hair.

I couldn't say anything, silent tears start streaming down my face. She does love me! There really is one person in the world who cares about me. I think she noticed my tears because her grip on me became tighter. I started to sob into her neck, why couldn't mum love me like this? Why was Kelly the only person in the universe who loves me? What did I do wrong? My thoughts were cut off by a doctor knocking on the door.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Bailey. I'm just here to tell you that you will be here under 24 hour supervision for a week and that it was a clean cut so it should heal fairly quickly. That's all, bye" was all he said to us, he seemed busy.

"24 hour supervision!" I screeched "I will not have strangers watching me 24/7!"

Kelly just looked at me, understanding. "I know sweetie, but it'll only be for a week, and then you can come back home with me." she reassured me

"How long have you been here for?" I asked starting to panic

"I was here with you all night." she replied

"Oh my god, Kelly! What about Sammie? Where is he?" I was full on panicking now

"It's okay, calm down Silver. I sent him to stay at Brenda's for the night and I have arranged for him to go see his dad for a couple of weeks. His plane leaves tonight."

"Thank god. I thought you had left him at home!" I said with a nervous giggle "You don't have to send him away, I'll be fine. Promise."

"I know I don't have to send him away, I want to. I need to look after you at the moment."

"But he's your son, he needs you more than me, Kelly."

"He's got his dad, and right now you need me more than he does" she comforted

"I will never need you more than he does, you're his mum!" I exclaimed

"When will you understand, Silver? You were my first child, I have raised you and protected you since you were born, I'm not going to stop now!" she said softly but firmly

"If you raised me and protected me that much, then where were you when Jackie started drinking, when she hit me and abused me to the point that she got her message so far into my head that I believe her? To the point where I can no longer see the good in things and I notice that everything she said was true!" I yelled at her, I could the tears in her eyes and that she was about to deny that what Mum said was true. "Don't deny it Kelly, how many people do you see rushing in here to see if I'm okay? Only you, therefore what Mum said was true!"

"Silver, what did Jackie say to you?" Kelly asked, concern etched on her face

"She told me that she didn't love me and no-one else in the world ever has or ever will love me. She told me that I'm worthless and that she wished I was dead- that I deserved to be dead." I told her, tears once again staining my face, she pulled my in for another comforting hug.

"None of those things are true Silver. The reason I'm the only one here is because I thought that you needed the rest and I wanted your permission before I told anyone. I love you so much, that if I had the chance, I would go back and take you from Jackie as soon as you were born! You deserve so much more than this." she said to me


	2. I'm a freak

As soon as I walk into Kelly's house a wave of love and comfort wash over me. I've only been here five minutes and I feel safe and protected, it's as if this house has an enchantment over it.

Kelly cuts off my thoughts by saying "Your room is up the hall and it's the second on the right. Do you want me to show you?" she added when I didn't move.

"No, it's alright, I was just thinking." I answered immediately.

"Okay, I'll just be in the kitchen. Do you want any tea or coffee?" she asked.

"I would like a coffee, if that's alright with you?" I replied

"Of course it's alright, sweetie, remember this is your house now too." She said. I just nodded my response.

When I walked into my new room I saw that Kelly had taken all of my furniture and moved it into my new room. Thank god, I didn't want Kelly to have to spend any more money on me than she has already. A photo beside my bed catches my eye- it's a picture of Kelly, Sammy and I when we went to Disneyland a couple of years ago. I look so happy then, I really wasn't I was just putting on a facade for everyone else. Just like I have been for years, and just like I will have to again. Pretend like I'm fine, that everything's okay, that it was all just a mistake. It wasn't but no-one else is going to know that. I put all of my clothes in the closet and set up my things before I head down to the kitchen to see Kelly.

"Your coffee is on the table. It's white with two, I hope that's okay?" she asked a bit nervously.

"It's perfect, thank you."

"It's no problem, I just made you one like mine" she told me.

"Oh, okay then" it was quiet for a few minutes before I asked "Kelly?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"When do I have to go back to school?"

"Not for a few weeks, honey. Why?" she asked.

"Okay, that's good then." I paused "I was just wondering how long I have to try and change my reputation, because I've just stopped being 'the crazy girl who made a porno' and now I'll be 'the crazy girl who tried to kill her-self'. Can I be homeschooled?" I asked.

Kelly looked concerned and then she giggled "No you may not be homeschooled, Silver. You won't have any trouble at school either because if I even hear about someone being nasty to you or spreading rumours about you, they will have detention for two weeks. Is that good?" she explained to me.

"You don't have to do that Kel. I'll be fine, trust me." I reassured her.

"Okay, if you're sure." She still looked unconvinced.

"I'm absolutely positive, Kel. I'll be fine"

"I trust you, Silver." Kelly caved.

"Good."

"What time is it?" I asked, I haven't looked at a clock since I left the hospital and it feels like it's getting late.

"It's 7pm. Are you hungry? I hadn't realised it had gotten so late"

"Yeah, actually, I am" I replied.

"Okay, what do you think about Chinese for dinner?"

"Sounds good"

Kelly went to go get a menu off the fridge and when she returned she had the house phone in one hand and the menu in the other. She handed me the menu and I scan over it, I put a star next to the dishes that I want because she is already on the phone to the restaurant ordering what she wants, as soon as I put the menu beside her she picks it up and starts ordering.

That night I lay in bed thinking about the way I felt as I lost consciousness, it felt right. I could finish everything now, but then I would know how much I'm hurting Kelly, and I just can't do that to her. I might make some new friends and then maybe everyone's stares won't seem as bad. After a while of lying there thinking, sleep overcomes me.

Kelly got a substitute to take over for her while I'm at home, she doesn't want me by myself. I have psychiatrist appointments everyday all week. It sucks. I'd rather be at school enduring all of the weird looks people will give me. It will be worse than when I made that video, I don't know what came over me, I would normally never make something like that. But I did, and then I tried to commit suicide. What's wrong with me? Am I some kind of freak? Probably.

At my third psychiatrist appointment the doctor told me that she thinks I have Bi Polar disorder. I have to go get tests to confirm though. I probably do have it, because I'm a freak. She told me that heaps of people have this disorder and that I'll just have to take tablets every day, she said that some people that have Bi Polar don't take their tablets because they are so used to the huge mood swings that they think they feel numb when they take the tablets. It should be okay for me because I haven't had the symptoms for as long as a lot of other people.

Straight after that appointment we made another appointment for me to get a blood test to see if I do have the disorder. It'll only be a couple of hours until we find out the results. Kelly and I decide to go for lunch while we are waiting for the test results we go to a small cafe that's down the road from the pathology lab. After an hour we have finished our lunch and we still haven't heard from the lab so we go to the mall. We were only there for about 45 minutes before we got the call that the results were back and we have to pick them up and take them back to my doctor. We make another appointment for the psychiatrist for this afternoon.

We're in the Psychiatrist's office, waiting for her to finish reading the results. Kelly is holding my hand, keeping it steady but my other hand is shaking wildly. The doctor looks up from the notes. She's read them; she's got my results. Her face shows no emotion, doesn't give anything away. I shut my eyes tightly and take a deep breath before she tells me my fate. I see a glimpse of pity and sadness in her eyes as she takes a breath to talk. It's positive. I know it is.

"The test results reveal that you do, indeed, have Bi Polar disorder. I'm sorry." The woman did look truly sorry for the news she just revealed to me. She turned away to fill out a prescription for me, for the tablets I'm going to have to take every day for the rest of my life.

"Fuck!" I whisper, closing my eyes and standing up, getting angry. "Fuck this Kelly! Why me? Why does everything bad happen to me?" I ask angrily.

"I know, baby. But at least this explains the incident with the video, and you will feel better now we know what's wrong and we can fix it!" Kelly tried to reassure me.

"What happened with the video?" The psychiatrist asked me.

"I made a stupid porno about me and my, now, ex boyfriend and then had a psycho freak out attack at my teacher. And no Kelly you can't 'fix it'! You can't fix me, Kelly! No matter how hard you try! I'm a freak and no-one will ever care about me, just like Mum said! You can't change that!" I exploded at her, tears stinging the backs of my eyes.

"Nothing that Mum ever said to you was right! Don't you ever believe anything that she has ever said to you! And yes we _can_ fix this you just have to take your tablets every day. I love you, everything is going to be okay" Kelly comforted me "Remember what I said to you when you woke up at the hospital that first night? Never forget it, it's true and I want to make sure you know that."

"Yeah I remember, I went off at you and I saw your heart break. There's a reason why no-one likes me and that's one of them. I can never accept people telling me things they don't mean, I point out the faults. Except with Mum, with her you just endure the pain" I explained to them. Kelly hugged me and tears streamed down my face as I breathed in the comforting smell of her perfume.

"When do I go back to school, Kel?" I asked whilst we were eating breakfast.

"You go back on Monday. That is if you're ready to go back?" She informed me.

"I'll be fine, Kel. There is no need for you to worry about me."

"Okay, but remember if you need anything or if anything happens at school, I'm there, just tell me what happened and I'll sort it out" I nodded

I think that I'll be spending a lot of my lunch times in Kelly's office. Not getting other kids in trouble, just eating in there with her so I don't have to see people staring at me like I'm a freak all day.


	3. I don't feel well

**A/N Hey guys, sorry it's taken so long for me to update. I've had a case of writer's block and school has been kicking my ass; I've had 4 assignments and a tonne of work to do. Anyway, here goes nothing. Hope you like it.**

Walking through the school halls is exactly how I expected it to be awful, horrible, and utterly embarrassing. People stared at me as if I was a freak they looked so disgusted with me, like I had some kind of weird disease. I pretended that I didn't notice but I did, I just held my head high and kept walking to an unknown destination. I know Kelly tried to keep an eye out for me but it was no use; whenever Kelly was in the room no-one was stupid enough to say anything about me. I'm not going to say anything to her though, it will only cause more trouble for me; more stares, more talking behind my back. I just couldn't handle any more of this, I've had enough of all this. I am shocked out of my thoughts by someone calling out my name and then "fucking disgusting weirdo!" I am so shocked to hear it that I don't even really care. I just continue along my path, waiting for the day to end so I can go home and try to forget about all of these stupid morons that don't know anything about what I am going through.

The halls seem to get smaller as it fills with people when the bell rings. I feel sick and light headed so I start to wander in the general direction of Kelly's office. As I walk down the hallway that her office is on my head starts to spin and suddenly the ground is coming awfully close to my face, and then my whole body is aching from the impact. The world is disappearing from around me, darkness overtaking when I can hear footsteps; running, someone is running towards me, trying to help.

When I wake up, light streaming through a window burns my eyes. After a few seconds of searching the area to figure out where I am, I notice that I'm lying on a small couch and I can see a picture of Kelly and I in Disneyland. That's when it all clicks- I'm in Kelly's office. One more glance in the direction of the door and Kelly is already through it and at my side asking if I'm okay.

"Kel, I just didn't feel well, that's why I was coming to see you. I'm fine I just blacked out is all." I tried to reassure her.

"You're not okay sweetie. You blacked out, you need to go home and see the doctor." Kelly is freaking out again, I can tell.

She brushes a few stray strands of hair behind my ear and I whisper "You didn't see the looks on their faces Kel." I looked away from her and I can feel a lone tear slide down my cheek.

"Who's faces sweetie? You can tell me." She asked while she pressed the pad of her thumb on my cheek; wiping away the stray tear.

"Can I go home now? I'll tell you later, I don't want anyone seeing me in here." I told her, while standing up slowly, careful not to pass out again.

"Sure, Silver. But I'm taking the rest of the day off so I can make sure you're okay. Don't even try to argue. I've made up my mind." She added when I opened my mouth to argue with her. I nodded in response and watched as she started packing up her stuff. I don't have to get my bag, I have my phone in my pocket so I don't have to go to my locker.

The ride home is quiet to say the least, it's almost uncomfortable but I'm in another world so it doesn't bother me. A couple of minutes later we're at home.

"Kel, I'm exhausted. I'm just going to get a little sleep before we have our conversation, if that's alright with you?" I ask her.

"Of course that's okay, I don't want you to get sick. Sleep for as long as you need, baby." She replied.

It took almost all of my energy to walk upstairs and into my room. Without getting changed, I flop on the bed, lying there for a minute thinking about all of those people's faces. Before I know it, I'm off the bed and holding a pocket knife and I don't even know where it came from. I sit on the edge of the bed and pull down my pants so I can see the tops of my thighs. Pressing the knife onto the soft skin eases some of the pain it helps a little more when I drag the thin blade further across my leg. The cut is only shallow so I wipe the blood off the blade and my leg, throwing the tissues in the trash I grab a couple of band-aids out of the bathroom cupboard and fix them onto my leg. Careful not to get any blood on my pants, because Kelly will freak out, I fix up my pants and lay down for a few minutes of sleep.

The next thing I know is that it's 9:30pm at night and I am starving. I can smell something that Kelly has cooked drifting up from the kitchen. She made spaghetti bolognaise, and it smells delicious, that might be because I'm extremely hungry or it might just actually smell that good. Kelly is in the lounge-room watching something on t.v, she glances at me as I pass her and enter the kitchen.

"I put a plateful in the microwave for you" She called out to me.

"Thanks" I call back.

After I finish eating in the kitchen, I sit down next to Kelly on the couch.

Kelly looked at me for a moment before saying "So, what happened at school today?"

"Ugh, it was just how I told you it would be the whispers, the stares, the disgusted looks. And you didn't see any of it because they stopped whenever you were in the room!" I answered, exasperated.

"I did notice that you didn't sit with anyone, or even talk to anyone for that matter." She looked concerned "Are you okay?" She added when she noticed that I was paler than normal.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I still don't feel well, that's all." I told her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Kel. I'm fine." I replied.

"Okay"

"Do I have to go to school tomorrow?" I asked.

"If you still feel unwell than no, but if you feel better you're going. I won't let you have a day off because you don't want to see people. Okay?" She told me.

The next morning I felt even sicker than I did before, and as soon as I think that a burning sensation started coming up my throat. Oh shit, I'm gonna be sick. I rushed into the bathroom and emptied my entire stomach contents into the toilet. Kelly must have heard me run across the hall because she was at the door and then, when she realised I was sick, she was beside me rubbing soothing circles on my back and holding my hair out of my face.

"You don't have to school today, Silver" She said.

"I don't feel well, Kelly." I told her when I was finished being sick. I stood up and walked over to the sink to brush my teeth.

As soon as I was finished I started walking to my bedroom and, for the second time this week, the ground was suddenly hitting my face. Kelly was right behind me though so she stood me up and helped me get to my bed. I realised that I was still in the clothes I wore yesterday so I asked her to grab me a pair of tracksuit pants and a loose t-shirt. She waited outside the bedroom door to make sure I was okay while I was getting dressed, I was glad she didn't stay because I don't want her to freak out about the cut on my leg. She re-entered when I told her to and informed me that she has called the school and neither of us are going today. I was partly relieved that I wouldn't have to go downstairs on my own, but mainly upset because she won't stop babying me.

Later that night my leg hurts and I look at it. It has reopened and it's bleeding on my shorts so I quickly grab another band-aid and place it over the cut. At this moment Kelly walks in and rushed over asking, "Are you okay? Silver, what happened?"

"I'm fine Kel, I just cut my leg while shaving". I lied.

"Show me" She demanded.

"No, it's fine, it's just a little cut." I replied.

"Fine, do you need any antiseptic?" She asked.

"No, it's good." I answered.

"Okay, I'll let you sleep then. Goodnight"

"Night Kelly"

And with that I was left to drift into a restless sleep, dreaming about what the school days to come would be like.


	4. Have you been taking your meds?

**Disclaimer: I do not own 90210 or any of its characters.**

**A/N Sorry it's been so long since I updated, I've had so many assignments it's not funny. Now it's the holidays though, I only have two to do now, so I'll give you this. I hope you guys like it! Please R/R! **

Silver

I open my eyes to find that my room is pitch black and I'm all sweaty from my nightmare. I'm wide awake now so I make my way to the bathroom, might as well do it now before Kelly and Sammy need to be in there. As soon as I step into the warm water my muscles relax, it's so soothing so I sit in the corner of the shower; most of my body under the constant stream of warm water. I look around as I'm sitting there, when I look at my duffel bag in the corner something shiny in it catches my eye. I quickly stand and, leaving the shower on, grab the object out of my bag; it's my Swiss army knife. Retreating back into the shower, still holding the knife, I sit back down in the corner and slowly bring the blade across my leg. As it slices the skin crimson drops of blood starts oozing out of my leg, I keep going the cut is starting to go deep so I finally stop, blood now pouring out of my leg, I allow 'sleep' to overcome me.

Kelly

I hear the shower start running so I check the time; it's only 2am, it must be Silver. After an hour, the shower is still running, I decide to go check on her. I walk up to the door and I can't hear any sounds so I knock. There was no reply so I knock twice, calling out, there is still no reply so I call out again, warning her that if she doesn't answer me I'll come in. Still no reply, that's it, I'm going in. I try to open the door but it's locked so I quickly grabbed the key and unlocked it. As soon as I opened the door it was like I was in a nightmare. All I could see was silver lying limp in the shower, blood rushing down the drain.

"SILVER!" I screamed, rushing as fast as I could over to my baby sister. I call an ambulance and decide to quickly dress her before the paramedics get here, it would just add to her humiliation. I quickly run into her room and pick up the first things I see; a pair of track-suit pants, a baggy t-shirt and then I grabbed her some underwear. I can hear the ambulance coming up the street so I quickly dress her and pull her out of the shower. The paramedics knock on the door and I sit Silver down on the floor so I can let them in, I inform them that she was in the shower and that I dressed her and pulled her out for them.

At the hospital they told me that I got there just in time; if she had been left there any longer she would have died of blood-loss. I don't know how long she was sitting there for she could have been there for the whole hour for all I know! Poor Silver, I can't believe I didn't see that she wasn't improving! I thought she was taking her meds! She wouldn't have done this if she was taking her meds, I should have watched her more carefully! The doctors needed to give her another blood transfusion.

After a couple of hours Silver was out of surgery and in a room where I was allowed to see her, she still looked so broken, yet so perfect. I can't believe she would keep doing this to herself, when I was dressing her I saw a still healing cut on another bit of her leg; she's done this before, after the library. I've failed at looking after her, I can't believe that I'm doing a worse job than Jackie, at least when she was with her she didn't try to commit suicide all the time. Just as I'm thinking this Silver starts to stir, she looks at me and looks like she's trying to say something so I give her a glass of water.

"Kelly?" She asked me in a croaky voice.

"Yeah, darling, it's me."

"I'm sorry." She told me.

"You have nothing to apologise for! I thought you had been taking your medicine?"

"I didn't like it; it made me feel like a freak, having to take my tablets all the time." She told me.

"Is that why you did this? I saw the other cut on your leg too. Don't worry I dressed you before the paramedics got there" I quickly added when I saw she looked panicked when she thought people had seen her naked.

She looked away, embarrassed "Thanks, Kel. I really appreciate it."

"So why did you do this? I know you've done it before too." I asked her.

"I did it because it's true; I'm disgusting. Mom told me, the looks on people's faces at school tell me what they think of me, that's when they don't tell me that is. The tablets make me feel numb; like I have no emotions. I need emotion, otherwise I feel like I'm dead and actually being dead would be better than feeling like I am but still having to live with other people's stupid opinions!" She exclaimed.

"Mom's opinion doesn't count, and the people at school are just trying to figure out why such a beautiful, smart girl would try to hurt herself so badly." I tried to reassure her.

She scoffed "Yeah, sure that's what they're doing. They're just wondering why I didn't get the job done! They think I'm too much of a coward to finish it. They're wrong; it's just every time I do try to finish it you come along and 'save' me!" She snapped at me.

"I'm sorry you feel that way but I'm not going to let my baby sister kill herself, especially not on my watch!" I exclaimed.

"Okay, fine then, I'll just go and live with Mom again when I do it!" She retorted.

"Come on baby, you need to rest. We'll talk about this when we're back at home in a couple of days. Okay?" I asked.

"Fine, I'm tired anyway." She huffed before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep. I sighed, exhausted, I'll have to call the school and tell them that we won't be in this week. It's 7am I'll call the school at 8am. I can't believe we're going through this again! She'll be fine eventually, she'll get over Mom; forget the horrible things that were said to her. One day she'll realise how much I love her and that I will never allow her to purposely harm herself. Not again, I can't lose her, Sammy can't lose his Aunty Silver. I'll keep a close eye on her, if I see anything wrong I'll ask her about it. Silver is never going to harm herself, on my watch, ever again.


	5. A new friend

Silver

One week after I was taken to the hospital again I'm sitting in the waiting room of the psychiatrist's office when a beautiful girl around my age walks in the door and sits in the chair directly opposite me. We're the only two in the waiting room, so I guess I should try and strike up a conversation if I want to get to know this gorgeous girl in front of me.

"Hi" I finally say, after I'm able to force myself to speak.

"Hi, I'm Willow. What's your name?" She replies.

"It's Erin, but if you call me that I won't answer, so, it's Silver" I informed her, watching the smile that appeared when I said that.

"Why Silver?"

"It's my last name, but I think it's much cooler than Erin. I love your name by the way." I told her.

"Thanks, and I think Silver suits you." She said to me, a smirk making its way onto her face.

_Oh my god, is she flirting with me? She's flirting with me! _She started laughing when I didn't answer.

"Thanks. What are you here for?" I finally replied. "Sorry if that's too personal, I was just curious." I quickly added when I could see the inner debate she was having.

"No, it's okay. I tried to commit suicide. What's your story?" She answered.

"Same as yours. I tried to commit suicide, they found that I have Bipolar, I stopped taking my tablets and tried to commit suicide again. My sister is making me come here." I answered with a frown.

"Wow, why's your sister making you come here?" She asked.

"I live with her, she's like my mom" I explained.

"Oh, do you go to West Beverly?"

"Yeah, haven't you heard about the crazy that made the sex tape and then tried to kill herself?" I replied sarcastically.

"No, actually I'm new here. My parents made me move schools after, what they call, 'the incident'" She told me with a beautiful smile.

"Oh, okay then. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything about that then" I said, blushing. She laughed at my reaction, the sound music to my ears.

"Maybe at school we could hang out?" She asked, looking suddenly nervous.

"Yeah, totally, that way I don't have to deal with the stares and whispers on my own!" I replied with what I am hoping is a comforting smile.

"Yeah, me too." She answered looking extremely relieved.

"Cool, I should be back at school on Monday. Will you be there?" I asked her.

"Yeah, I'll definitely be there." She said with a smile.

Just then I was called into the psychiatrist's room, quickly saying our goodbyes I enter the room.

Monday came by quickly and I was glad; I had to get away from Kelly. As soon as I enter the school hallways I get all the looks and whispers about me. This time it doesn't bother me though, this time I know I have a friend that has been through the same thing and she'll be there to help me through it. As soon as I turn the corner I spotted Willow standing by, what I assume is her locker. I briskly walk over to her I lean against the locker beside her.

"Hey Willow"

"Hey Silver, what's up?" She asked.

"Nothing much, just getting the usual looks of disgust and whispers about me. What about you?" I ask.

"Getting the strange looks from people too; I think they're trying to figure out who I am." She said with a chuckle.

"Maybe I'm trying to figure out who you are. What are you gonna do about that?" I said with a laugh.

"Nothing; I'm going to let you get to know me while I get to know you."

"Oh, that's how it's going to work is it? Well just don't ask anyone about me; you'll hear awful stories and you might find out things you don't like about me. I don't want them to scare you off!" I told her.

"No-one could ever scare me away from you. And I wouldn't believe anything those freak-shows told me anyway; I've had way too many rumours spread about me to know that what other people think isn't always the truth. In fact it usually isn't." She said with a smile.

"Yeah, but there are some things that you might not like that went around that _are_ true, so don't go asking people about me please" I informed her.

"I don't think there is anything that I wouldn't like about you. Maybe I should go and ask some people about you and get to know you better." She is definitely flirting with me now.

"Fine, you go ahead and ask people about me then but that means that I get the right to ask people from your old school about you" I jokingly threatened.

The rest of the day went by without a hitch; Willow and I spent every lunch break and all the classes we have together with each other. I'm beginning to learn new things about her and I think we're quickly bonding. The only down side to today is going home to Kelly, she's going to ask so many questions and make me fill out all different charts while she watches me take my tablets. It's going to be hell. I get to walk home today though so at least I get some time to think before I'm barraged with questions.

"Hey, Sweetie, how was school today?" I was asked as soon as I entered the house.

"It was good" I replied, monotone.

"I saw that you made a friend. Who is she?" Kelly asks me.

"Yeah, I did. Her name's Willow. Why?"

"I'm just happy that you're making friends again. How'd you two meet?" Ugh, another question!

"We met in the psychiatrist's waiting room." I answered.

"Really, what happened to her?" I inwardly groan as she asks each question.

"She tried to commit suicide. And before you ask I don't know why."

"Okay. Do you like her?"

"Yeah, she's really sweet. You should meet her some time." I answer.

"You know that's not what I meant. Now I'll repeat myself, do you like her?" She asks me.

I sigh, she'll never let me leave before I give her an answer "Yes, okay? I like her and I think she likes me too because she's been flirting with me since we first met."

"Are you going to go out with her?"

"I don't know. I don't even know if she likes me yet! You know I never worked out how you knew I was a lesbian. How did you figure me out?" I asked.

"I just watched the way you interact with guys and girls and the way you talk about them. It was just obvious to me, I don't really know how or why" She told me.

"Okay. I'm going upstairs to my room and I'm not going to hurt myself, so don't worry." I informed her, not waiting for a response as I ran up the stairs. I can't wait for tomorrow when I get to see Willow again. We're going to the movies and then we're going to go to a restaurant, I can't believe that we're going to go on what is basically a date but it's not. We're just friends, I still can't wait for it though!


	6. Help

Kelly

Watching my little sister start to form an interest in girls, when she was younger, took a little getting used to. When I saw the way she interacted with the few friends she had I could see that she had a little bit of a crush on Naomi but I couldn't ask her about it. After about a year people figured it out. Everyone started picking on her; she became a social outcast. It broke my heart. But now she's gone through so much and found a new friend, I just hope she doesn't get hurt by this girl. Because I don't know how much she can handle at the moment. But I do know that it doesn't take much to make her slip back into her previous state of mind. I have to make sure that doesn't happen again.

Silver

I think I really like Willow. I find everything about her amazing and beautiful; her light brown hair, her cat-like ice blue eyes, her cheek-bones, her personality; she's smart and she stands up for what she believes in. There is so much more but I would be going on for days. She looks exactly like Olivia Wilde.

I'm not absolutely certain if she knows that I'm a lesbian but I think she at least suspects it. I hope she does know but she doesn't care because I was hurt by so many people when they found out. We've become best friends so quickly because we've been spending so much time together lately.

People are tormenting us about how much time we spend together at school. They always say that we are together and the looks they give us are awful. It makes me feel as if I'm a leper.

As soon as I get home I set my bag down and head to the cupboard to get my Swiss Army Knife. The moment my hand settles around it I walk back to my bed and sit down, lifting my shirt, I slowly drag the blade across my hip. Blood gushing out of the wound, I take my jeans off so they don't get covered in blood and call Willow for some comfort. Also just in case I cut it too deep and something goes wrong because Kelly has a meeting this afternoon and won't be home until dinner.

"Hello?"

"Hey Willow, it's Silver"

"Oh, hey Silver. What's up?" She asked

"Um, well, I was just calling because I, um, I cut myself again and Kelly won't be home until dinner and I think I cut a little bit too deep this time and I'm starting to feel woozy." I answered in a rush because I started to feel woozy and it hasn't stopped bleeding.

"What's your address?" She quickly asked me. I gave her the address and she told me that she would be here in five minutes.

...

Someone is knocking on the door. It sounds urgent, I should probably answer it. My hip hurts, it's still bleeding. Shit, that's right! Willow was coming to help me! I force myself to walk down the stairs to let her in. When I finally open the door I am enveloped in a hug.

"I thought I was too late!" She exclaimed

"Yeah, um, it hasn't stopped bleeding yet"

"Are you serious? Show me the cut" By now I am only wearing a long, baggy t-shirt, so I lift the bottom of the shirt until she can see the still bleeding wound.

"You're pale. How long has it been since you did it?" She asked

"How long has it been since I called you?"

"About ten minutes" She replied

"So, it's been about fifteen minutes since I cut it." I informed her.

"Do you have any bandages?"

"Yeah, I have some in my room and there are some in the bathroom"

"Okay, good. Can you show me where your room is or are you too weak?" She asked, concerned. She looks so cute when she's worried. Stop! You have to focus on what she's saying and staying conscious!

"I can show you but I'm going to need help up the stairs if that's okay?"

"Yeah, would it be easier if I carry you?"

"Um, I really don't know but, yeah, it probably would be because it really hurts when I try to walk"

"Okay, cool. Come here" My heart starts beating faster and I am suddenly really nervous.

"Are you sure?" I ask, uncertainty obvious in my voice

"Yes, I am absolutely positive. Now come here." She told me, leaving no room for arguing

"Okay" I said, walking over so I am standing in front of her. I stand there looking at the floor and chewing my bottom lip.

"You are so cute when you're nervous" She said with a chuckle and a smile and I can feel the heat in my cheeks "Now come on" As she said this I am pulled into her arms and she is walking towards the stairs.

When we are at the top of the stairs she puts me down so I can walk again. "You think I'm cute?" I ask, looking up at her through my eyelashes.

"Yeah, who wouldn't? Now show me to your room so we can fix this cut before I need to take you to the hospital!"

I show her to my room and sit on the edge of the bed while I tell her where the bandages are. When she has everything she needs to clean and bandage the wound, she comes over and sits on the edge of the bed with me.

"This will probably sting so you can hold my hand while I disinfect it. And also, do you want to hold your shirt up while I clean the cut or do you want to take it off, so you have a free hand?

"I'll just take it off so it doesn't get in the way" I reply

A couple of minutes later and I'm sitting on my bed clad only in my bra and undies, holding Willow's hand while she patches me up from one of my many 'bad days'. I wince when the anti-septic makes contact with the cut. Willow notices and gives my hand a squeeze and smiles reassuringly.

"It's a fairly clean cut so it isn't too bad. Do you have any pain-killers?"She informed me.

"Yeah, they're downstairs in the kitchen cupboard above the fridge" I direct her.

"I'll go get some for you. Wait here, I'll be back in a minute"

I can't believe I am in my underwear, waiting for Willow to come back. I am so embarrassed. At least she isn't being awkward and embarrassed. She enters the room a minute after she left, carrying a glass of water and a couple of pills in her hand. I take the pills and lay back on the bed. I didn't bother to put my shirt back on so I am lying next to Willow only in my bra and undies. After a couple of minutes I am starting to drift into sleep.

Kelly

I've been at the school in a meeting since the end of school and it's now 6pm. I'm worried about Silver being left at home alone for hours. What if something happened while I was at the school and now it's too late? No, stop. Nothing happened to her while I was out. She is fine.

When I pull into our driveway I notice that there is a car parked in front of the house, I wonder who it is. I walk up to the door and knock- no-one answers it so I pull out my key and unlock the door. I walk inside, put my bags down and head up the stairs to see if Silver is okay. When I get to her door I look in and see her and Willow asleep on her bed, Silver only in her undergarments and Willow cuddling her. I decide to leave them be and start cooking dinner, besides, they looked so cute together.

After about an hour I call Willow's parents and ask them if it is alright if she spends the night, they agreed when I told them the situation.

At eight I decide that I will have to wake them up for dinner "Hey, girls. Time to wake up, you need to eat dinner"

I watch as Silver groans and rolls over to cuddle Willow, it is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I walk over and gently shake her awake, waking Willow in the process.

"You two need to eat dinner. Come on. It's ready and waiting downstairs" I inform them.

"Shit! What's the time? I have to get home!" Willow suddenly exclaims as she wakes up. I smile and tell her that I called her parents and they said that she can stay the night.

"Willow, my hip hurts" Silver whines, wrapping her arm around Willow's waist and burying her face in her chest.

"I know it does but we have to go downstairs and eat dinner. You can have some more pain-killers then, okay?"

Silver nods her response and sits up, finally noticing my presence. "Hey sweetie, what's wrong with your hip?" I ask

"She fell over this afternoon and cut it. Nothing major though so don't worry." Willow quickly told me. There is no way that I believe that but I'm not going to say anything. If she's not seriously injured I will let it slide.


	7. Tempus Fugit

**A/N Sorry I hadn't posted for a while but I had, like, seven assignments and I have to study for exams. Anyway, this is for my best friend, Steph, who is reading this solely for me. We have been discussing plot twists and other things like that, so thank you. You are like my sister that I can tell anything and ily 3. Remember, Steph- Time flies, so use it wisely **

**Tempus Fugit- time flies**

**Disclaimer: I don't own 90210 or any of its characters.**

Silver

It has been a few weeks since the night when Willow helped me but I am constantly thinking about that night. She stayed the night in my bed; we slept the whole night as we did the afternoon; cuddling each other and never letting go. I don't think I've ever slept better; her presence makes me so nervous, yet at the same time it makes me feel so calm and safe.

There have been so many nights where she stays over and sleeps in my bed that it isn't funny. We have been flirting mercilessly, in school and out, not that I mind. Kelly has been super supportive of my crush on Willow. I still can't believe that she lets us share a bed when she knows how much of a crush I have on her and she's seen how much Willow and I flirt.

School is starting to get better; I think people are starting to realise that it doesn't matter how much they torment us, we will always stick together.

My phone starts to ring and when I look at the caller ID I can see that it's Willow, a smile lights up my face as I answer it.

"Hello?" I ask

"Hey Silver, can I come over?" She asks, tears obvious in her voice, immediately rousing my worry and concern.

"Of course you can, you know you can come over whenever you want to"

"Yeah, thanks, I'll be there in about ten minutes."

"What's wrong?" I ask, curious as to what has her so upset.

"I'll tell you when I get there, okay?"

"Yeah, but you would tell me now if you were in danger, right?"

"Of course I would tell you, now I need to get off the phone before I can actually leave for your house"

"Okay, see you when you get here"  
"See you when I get there"

Quickly running around the house, I clean my room and clear away any untidy objects. I can't have her see my house when it's untidy now can I? I decide to quickly check my make-up before she gets here, even though she has seen me at my worst and first thing in the morning.

The next thing I know Willow is knocking at the door, a look of complete and utter shock on her face. Pulling her into a fierce hug, I keep her in my arms as I gently lead her to the lounge. As soon as we sit down her tears start to fall, at first slowly and then full force sobs. All the while I just hold her and try to give her some comfort.

As her tears start to dry I place a comforting kiss on the side of her head and wipe away the remaining tears.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"In a minute. Can we just lay here for a while first?" She asked in a croaky voice from all the tears.

I nod and gently pull her down to the lounge with me, both of us facing inwards. She wraps her arms around me and buries her face into the crook of my neck. I turn my head into her hair and place another kiss on the side of her head. Holding her close to my body, I whisper into her ear that everything is going to be okay.

I can feel as well as hear her breaths even out and her muscles relax in my arm so I know she is asleep. I let the darkness overpower me as I try to think of what might have happened to make her so upset.

Kelly

Walking into the house I go to walk to the kitchen and find Willow and Silver, asleep, in a close embrace. Why is it that I always find them in positions like this? I don't mind though, it is just too sweet to break apart, it's not like they're doing anything inappropriate anyway.

Silver 

Waking up with Willow in my arms is one of the best feelings, that thought is quickly overshadowed by said girl whimpering in her sleep. I don't know what happened but when I find out; I am going to kill the person who hurt her. Quickly waking her out of her dream-state, I hold her ever-closer to me. She stirs and mumbles something unintelligible before yawning and sitting up on my lap.

"Do you feel better after your little nap?" I asked her quietly.

"Yeah, I guess I have to tell you what happened now?"

"Only if you want to; I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to" I informed her.

"Okay, well, I came out to my parents and my father went ballistic and they started to call me all sorts of retched names. They kicked me out Silver, what am I going to do? I don't have any other family that live in the area and I can't leave you." She finally told me, fury courses through my veins and I want to throttle her parents for hurting her so much.

"First of all: I want to kill them for doing that to you and second, if it was what is best for you I would have to let you go. But I'm almost positive Kelly will let you stay here, you could even have your own room!" I exclaim, in a eerily calm voice.

"How can you be so positive? She might say no!"

"She won't, if she knows that you have nowhere to go she will take you in. And then we can spend even more time together!" Kelly must have heard us talking because suddenly she is in the room.

"What's all this about?" Kelly asked.

"Kel, Willow's parents kicked her out so can she stay with us?" I ask in the sweetest voice I can manage.

"Of course you can Sweetie; there is always room here for you."

It is still only mid-afternoon so we head up to my room to listen to music and chat privately. I figure we need to go and pick up her stuff from her house so I decide to talk about that.

"Do you want to get your stuff from home today?" I asked quietly.

"I suppose I should, I mean I will need it if I'm going to be living here" She replied with a smile that I returned. "There was something I was going to ask you before my parents had a freak-out..."

"What is it? What's wrong?" I quickly asked.

"Nothing's wrong exactly, but- I was just wondering if... you would go out with me?" She said, voice dripping with uncertainty.

"Of course I will! If you haven't noticed, I've kind of had a thing for you since we first met." I admitted. I lean over and take her hand, lacing our fingers together- they fit together perfectly I note.

"We should get my stuff later tonight when they're out, so we have hours to ourselves" She said seductively.

I just roll onto my side to look her in the eyes before leaning forward, brushing my lips against hers for the briefest of moments. It sends wildfire coursing through my veins, apparently Willow felt the same way because, next thing I know, and I'm on my back with her on top of me, kissing me passionately.

After, what I thought was, a few minutes we calm down a fair bit and she gently asks for entrance, licking my bottom lip. When I give her full access to my mouth there is a battle for dominance, she won of course, though it was fun trying.

Kelly

Dinner is ready so I head upstairs to get the girls, thinking about what could have happened for her parents to kick her out like that. Silver's door is shut, that's odd; she never shuts her door unless she's getting dressed. I knock but the music they're listening to is too loud for them to hear me so I open the door.

They obviously haven't noticed my presence because they are still in full-on-make-out-mode. I walk over to the stereo and stop the music, immediately they fly apart. I internally laugh at their faces.

"It's time for dinner girls" I say before leaving the room and heading downstairs, leaving them alone to get over their shock.

"Um, she didn't kill us... did she? I'm not dreaming that I survived, right?" Willow said, in shock.

I just laughed and replied "No, she didn't kill us and you are not dreaming."

"But... she just caught us making out and didn't even blink!" Willow exclaimed

"She has known that I have a crush on you since your first day at school! Plus, she noticed the way we were flirting and the way you looked after me that day. She isn't oblivious." I informed her, giving her one of my biggest smiles.

"Oh" was all she managed to say. "We'd better head downstairs for dinner"

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

As we are sitting at the dinner table Kelly suddenly asks "Are you two dating now?"

Willow and I look at each other before I give my proudest grin and tell her that we are, in fact, dating.

Dinner goes smoothly and Kelly informs us that Willow will be sharing my bed until we get the spare bedroom, which is now Willow's bedroom, in order. I don't think either of us has a problem with that.


	8. I love you

**A/N Again, sorry for how long it's taken but now I have finished all my exams so I have a bit more time to write! YAY :D, lol. Steph, I have dropped a few things in here that I think you will pick up on, hahaha you are going to laugh at me for days for one of them! I hope you're liking the story, I still don't know if anyone is liking it or if I should finish it. Read and review what you think I should do, please!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own 90210 or any of its characters (unfortunately) **

Kelly

It has only been a week but living with Willow is so easy. She is really well behaved; she does all of her chores without being asked, she is polite all the time and, most importantly, she doesn't argue when I tell them to go to bed separately when they've been swapping spit in front of me all night.

Silver has been really good about making sure that Willow feels welcome; if she needs anything they will just go to the shop instead of having to tell me what it is if it's embarrassing for her. They are really sweet together, always hugging or holding hands, they always have some form of contact between them. It is the cutest thing I have ever seen between kids.

Silver

I love living with Willow, we get to see each other all the time and when either of us are feeling down enough to go back to cutting the other is there comforting and caring. We aren't hiding at school because we figured that they already know that I'm a lesbian, might as well be open about our relationship and really give them something to talk about.

It's been pretty bad at school but some of the girls have found a new respect for us, or me; I'm not sure yet. A few of girls have actually asked if they could sit with us because they were always alone at lunch, of course we said yes. Each of them has been tortured by the "cool" kids for being different, or doing something. I am almost certain that one of the girls, Alana, is a lesbian too but I don't want to say anything just in case I'm wrong. All in all there are about eight girls, including Willow and I, in our group of friends.

When we went to get Willow's stuff that first night she came to live with us was horrible, I nearly murdered her parents for being so awful to such a beautiful girl. They were extremely religious and conservative; they spat verses from the bible at us stating that God hates homosexuals and all this other crap. They told Willow that she wasn't their daughter anymore and that what we are doing is disgusting and an abomination to man-kind. If Kelly hadn't been there they wouldn't be alive today. After hearing them say such awful things to their daughter and seeing the look on her face as they did made me see red.

It's Friday night and I just realised that I never found out why she tried to commit suicide. We're cuddling on the lounge watching House solving a case but neither of us are paying attention to that; we're too busy checking out Thirteen and Cameron (Thirteen is totally my type but Willow just thinks that Cameron is hot).

"Why did you try to commit suicide?" I ask after House finishes.

"I was raped" Was the simple reply I received.

"What! Who did it? I'll kill him!"

"He's already in jail so don't worry about it. My parents almost disowned me then but when they found me, blood pouring out of my freshly slit wrists, lying on the floor after taking half a box of sleeping pills, they realised what bad shape I was in. They took my knife and locked the medicine cabinet so I couldn't do it again. After that they sent me to a psychiatrist and when we moved here I met you, the best thing that has ever happened to me." She finished, punctuating her last sentence with a gentle kiss to my lips.

"I can't believe that you have gone through all that! You are such a beautiful person, how could anyone harm you?"

"It all just made me stronger and led me to you, didn't it?"

"Yeah, but you still shouldn't have had to go through that."

Flicking through the t.v channels I find that there is nothing on except the music channel so I leave it on that. Laying my head on Willow's chest I place a light kiss on her neck and quietly say "I love you".

She didn't freak out like I expected, she just kissed my forehead and replied "I love you too, baby".

Kelly is out for the night so Willow and I head up to bed because it's been a tiring day. She already has her own room with everything set up but we always sleep better when we're together. We are already in our pyjamas so we climb into the bed and cuddle. Willow has snuggled into my side with her head on my chest and her right arm wrapped tightly around my waist while I have an arm around her back, running my fingers through her hair.  
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Kelly isn't due to get back until later this afternoon from getting Sammy back from his dad's. It's been ages since I've seen him so I am kind of excited but a little bummed that Willow and I won't be able to make-out on the couch anymore.

Willow

We only have a few more hours left to ourselves before Kelly gets back with her son, Silver's nephew, so I think we should make the most of it. Interlacing our fingers I lead Silver downstairs to the couch where I lay her down before laying over her.

When I lean down I kiss her and soon we are in a full on make-out session. After a few minutes I start to edge my hands under the hem of her shirt, slowly gliding up her stomach and over her ribs, when my hands get to their destination Silver gasps then moans at the new contact. She quickly rids me of my shirt before helping me get hers off, we were both still in our pyjamas so we had no bras on; speeding it up a little.

Just as Silver is starting to rid me of my pants we hear keys just outside the door and I freak out.

"Kelly is that you?" Silver quickly yells at the door.

"Yeah, Silver, it's me."

"Is Sammy with you?" She quickly asks again

"Yeah, why?" Kelly asks

"Don't come in for a minute!" Silver yells as we franticly try to find our own clothes and get them on the right way.

"Why not?"

"Don't worry, just don't come in until we tell you it's alright, okay?"

"Okay, but if I find anything broken..."

"You won't..." I call out to her"hopefully" I finish quietly.

As I try to put on my shirt it gets stuck on my head and I can't move my arms "Silver! My shirt's stuck! What do I do?" I ask, panicking.

Silver just laughs softly and tells me not to move while she fixes it. She fixes it in about five seconds flat and then gives me a kiss before telling me she loves me, every time she says that to me my heart swells and beats quicker. I tell her I love her too and we head over to open the door for Kelly and Sammy.

Immediately Sammy is hugging Silver and telling her how much he missed her. While that is going on Kelly takes the opportunity to ask me what was happening.

"Were you two having sex on my couch?" She whispers

"No! If we were going to do that we would at least do it in one of our rooms, with the door locked!" I say, shocked that she would ask me such a thing.

"Good, just checking. What were you doing then?"

"Making out." I answer nonchalantly.

"Then why did I hear you freaking out about your shirt being stuck?" Kelly asks with a smirk.

I clear my throat and reply "Somewhere along the way we lost our shirts and Silver didn't want Sammy seeing that."

Kelly was extremely amused by the situation and kept asking questions that she knew the answer would be embarrassing for me to answer. So after a while I went to Silver for help "Baby, you know how I love you and everything?" I wait for Silver to nod before continuing "Well, could you possibly get your sister to stop asking about our s-e-x life?" I ask, spelling out the word sex so Sammy wouldn't pick it up.

"Kelly! I can't believe you would do that! Stop asking those questions! You are like my mother... our mother even, so it's weird! I know you're meant to be my sister but I know that you weren't such a princess yourself so you aren't curious; you're just trying to embarrass her!"

Kelly laughed and nodded before sending Sammy to get something out of his room "Did you two have sex while I was gone?" She asked, suddenly serious.

"No!" We exclaim as one, Silver wraps her arm around me to give me some comfort.

"Then why do you keep saying 'I love you' and being even more lovey-dovey than before?" Kelly asks

"I told Willow that I love her and she loves me so now we just say it, okay?" Silver replies before I even get the chance to open my mouth.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

That night Silver and I are sitting on the couch watching t.v with Sammy lying across our laps while Kelly is making dinner and it all seems perfect.


	9. Oww

**A/N Thanks to the people who reviewed, I really appreciate it. Steph, you are going to have a frenzy because I have mentioned things that you said happened with one of the character's namesake. LOL, and my reaction to it! **** Thanks for reading!**

Silver

"Baby, you know how you said that you made a sex-tape with an ex boyfriend?" Willow asks during a commercial break.

Sighing deeply before answering I reply "Yeah, why?"

"Didn't you say that you've known for years about being a lesbian?" Why did I have to have mention that stupid tape? Now I am never going to live it down! Ugh!

"Yes, your point being?"

"If you've known you were a lesbian for so long how old were you when you made that tape?"

"It was at the end of last year. And before you ask, I had a boyfriend to try and convince myself, and everybody else, that I was straight. Is that all you wanted to know about one of the biggest mistakes of my life?"  
"Aww, baby, I didn't mean to upset you! I was just wondering because I was kind of worried about you being molested by some kind of paedophile or something! I love you." Willow replies, trying to make me relax again.

"I love you too; I just don't really love that topic." After a couple of minutes of silence I change the subject "Have you seen ?"

"Yes! I've seen and : Legend of Fritton's Gold too!" Willow replied, extremely enthusiastic, huge grin plastered on her face.

"Don't you think that Kelly and Annabelle are made for each other? They would make the cutest couple ever!"

"I know! I've been saying that since I first saw it and no-one else thought so! So would Quinn and Rachel on Glee!"

"Ohmigod yeah!" I am absolutely shocked that we both chose the same couples when I have never met another person that thinks they would be fantastic in a relationship.

The next half hour is spent talking about moments the characters have that prove how good they would be together or, in case, moments that prove they are together but they just don't show it. After that we spent a few hours actually watching the movies before we head up to bed. Kelly was laughing at us for matching up characters that will never be together before we rounded on her and I pointed out all the times she has done the same thing. After that she kinda just kept her mouth shut about that whole conversation until she went to bed.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

After about two hours of tossing and turning, trying to sleep, I quietly open my door and sneak down the hall to Willow's room. I open her door and, almost silently, close it after I enter. Her bed is in the middle of the room so there isn't much danger getting to it... it probably helps that her room is so much cleaner than mine. When I get to the edge I quickly lift the side of the blanket before slipping under it and slipping an arm around Willow's waist. I cuddle her and I hear a quiet sigh of content before she rolls over and cuddles into me even further. It has to be one of the most adorable things I have ever seen and heard.

It takes barely two minutes before I fall asleep listening to Willow's deep breathing.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

I awake to the sound of frantic knocking on the door before I hear Kelly calling through the bedroom door "Willow do you know where Silver is? She's not in her room and I can't find her!"

I place a gentle kiss on Willow's head before quickly but silently running to the door to calm Kelly. "I'm in here Kel, I'm fine. Just chill, okay?"

"You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"What's the time?" I ask, yawning.

"It's seven so you need to get up and quickly get ready for school"

I groan and agree before wandering back into Willow's room to wake her up so we can get ready and be on time, for school. I decide to wake her up much more nicely than shaking her; I walk over to the bed and place a gentle kiss on her forehead, cheeks and, when she starts to wake, her lips.

"Good morning" She says with a sigh.

"It's a very good morning, except we have to go to school today" I reply with a pout.

Willow laughed before responding with "You look so cute with that pout! And yeah, we do have school, but that isn't too bad since we are testing our match-making abilities on Remy and Alana"

"They totally love each other! I am not going to let them hide in their dark, little closets that they call life when they each have a totally beautiful girl that is in love with them"

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

As soon as we arrive at school we see Alana throwing a guy into a wall and Remy standing by looking extremely worried. I would have laughed if it weren't for the seriousness of the situation. Alana isn't a big girl; she's actually pretty short and thin, so seeing her throwing a big guy into a wall is actually really funny. Remy doesn't look like she thinks so; she looks like she's about to cry with worry of Alana getting hurt.

Quickly running over to the struggle, we pull Alana off him and lead her and Remy around the corner to find out what happened to make her hurt him.

"He said that the principle should expel our 'big bunch of dykes' so I yelled at him and threw him into the wall, and that's when you came." Alana explained.

"Why did he say that? As far as anyone else knows we are the only 'dykes' in the group." Willow says, rolling her eyes when she used his word.

"What do you mean 'as far as anyone else knows'? You can't know about Alana and I; we only got together this weekend" Remy states confidently.

Willow and I high-five before returning to the conversation. I clear my throat before explaining "Um, well, we kind of suspected that you two are gay and we saw that you had a crush on each other so we might have, maybe, used our match-making ability without your knowledge to get you together?" I finish with a nervous smile.

Noticing that I was embarrassed, Willow changes the subject "Hey, babe, did you come and sleep in my room last night or was I dreaming?"

Laughing, I reply "No, you weren't dreaming. And it's nice to know that I'm always on your mind."

Willow poked her tongue out at me before I gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. When we turn around again Alana and Remy both have matching amused smirks on and they are holding hands. Just as soon as the moment was there it was gone; the principle walks around the corner, spotting us he strides over and takes Alana to his office.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

We found out that Alana and the boy she threw were both suspended for three days, so that wasn't too bad for her.

When we got home we finished all of our homework in an hour before going to sit at the beach for a while. "Why haven't I heard you play your guitar?" I ask.

"I didn't want to disturb anyone. Do you want to hear me play it?"

"You wouldn't disturb anyone, and yeah I would like to hear you play it!"

"When we get back I'll play a song for you, okay?"

"Yay!"

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

When we get home I grab two glasses of water before heading upstairs to listen to Willow play her guitar. As soon as we were settled on her bed she starts to play, I recognise the first few notes to be Dear Mister President by Pink before she starts to sing. She has a beautiful voice and she is a really talented guitarist. When she finishes the song I wait for to put the guitar down before I leap on her for a kiss.

It's only 5pm so we decide to call Remy and Alana over to have fun while we babysit Sammy for the night. Within ten minutes they are both on our doorstep, holding hands.

"Hey" Alana says

"Hey, come in. We're watching Sammy for the night so try not to swear too much in front of him, Kelly will kill me if she comes home and he's swearing; she knows that it was probably me that he got it from" I finish with a sheepish grin.

Everyone laughed and headed into the house to find that Sammy isn't watching t.v where he was two minutes ago. I cuss and quickly look in the kitchen and search the bottom floor before heading upstairs. I look in his room but he isn't there, I look in Kelly's room but he isn't there either. When I look in my room I find him playing with my Swiss Army Knife so I run as fast as I can and grab it off him, effectively slashing my hand in the process.

I grab Sammy and pull him onto my hip, holding him with the hand that is fine. Still holding the knife in my injured hand I walk down the stairs and quickly pass him off to Willow before going to the kitchen to find the first aid kit.

Remy starts to disinfect my hand while Alana is asking me questions "What was he doing with a knife? She asks.

"It's my knife, he just found it in my room- OW" I reply, hissing with pain as an extra sore bit of the cut was touched.

"Sorry" Remy apologises meekly.

"Why didn't you yell with pain or anything when you got cut?"

"I didn't want to scare him and I'm used to the pain anyway"

"How so?"

"I used to cut myself... with that knife. That's why I got it off him so quickly and I am familiar with the pain that knife brings. It's only a shallow cut anyway." I explain.

Remy scoffs before saying "This is not a shallow cut! I actually think you may need stitches!"

"No I won't, I've had way deeper cuts that I didn't get stitches for"

"Just because you didn't get stitches for them doesn't mean you didn't need them." Alana argues, backing up Remy.

I look at the gash across the middle of my hand for the first time properly, it's still bleeding and it's probably about half a centimetre deep. It got deeper when I was gripping it from pain when I was walking down the stairs. I probably do need stitches.

At this point Willow walks in, without Sammy, and takes one look at my hand before running over and giving me a kiss.

"Where's Sammy?" I ask when she pulled away.

"He's watching t.v. I made sure that he won't play with any sharp objects again. Are you okay?" Willow answers extremely fast.

"I'm fine; we think that I might need stitches though." I answer with a grimace.

"The cut on your side was way deeper and you didn't need stitches, and I've had cuts deeper than that that didn't need stitches before."

Alana and Remy have incredulous looks upon their faces so we immediately get defensive "What? They're just cuts; it's not like we died!"

"Okay, we'll just bandage it up and let it heal on its own, okay?" Remy says.

We agree and as soon as my hand is bandaged we go and watch t.v before we start to make dinner and Remy and Alana head home. We put Sammy to bed and relax before we go to bed, both of us heading to my room instead of Willow's room like last night. We hide the knife and change into pyjamas before cuddling and going to sleep in each other's arms within a couple of minutes.


	10. I told you so!

**A/N Sorry it's been so long since I updated, the holidays have been hectic! Happy new year everyone! Hope you like this, I didn't really know where to go with it **** Umm, I know that in different chapters I have slipped up when writing 'mum' or 'mom' because I'm Australian I use the first one but when I read if it's American and written in the English version I hear a different accent, so I'm going to use the American version throughout this story. Thought I would just clear that up. End of my rambling now. Please R&R! **

Silver

I hiss with pain as I reach to turn my alarm off, effectively reopening the cut on my palm. Blood starts to ooze all over my hand so I get out of bed, heading to the chest of drawers in the corner of my room, in search of clean bandages and disinfectant.

Apparently I wasn't as quiet as I thought; a hand on my shoulder startling me. It was Willow. I place my unscathed hand over my heart, exclaiming "You scared me half to death!"

"What are you looking for, do you need any- Oh my god, your hand!" She cut herself off.

"Yeah, if you could, can you grab some disinfectant and bandages out of that drawer?" I ask, pointing to the third drawer down.

"Of course Baby, anything to help you"

A few minutes later my hand has been disinfected and bandaged. Leaving us about half an hour to get ready and eat breakfast (if Kelly makes us) and head off to school. My hand is throbbing with pain so I grab a box of Advil from the drawer, dropping it in my bag as I pass it.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

We make plans with Remy for Willow, Alana and I to go over her place, after school is out, for a swim. She said her parents are cool and already know about her and Alana so they should be cool about Willow and I.

The only swim-wear I own is bikinis. Oh well, they already know that I used to cut myself. They'll just see the scars today. Doesn't matter.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Willow and I run upstairs to grab our bikinis and towels before telling Kelly where we're going and what we're doing.

When we arrive at Remy's we ring the doorbell and her mother opens the door. She is a pretty woman, she's looks just like an older version of Remy. She smiles at us and introduces herself, "Hi, I'm Clary. You must be Silver and Willow, am I correct?"

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you Clary" Willow replies.

"You too girls" Clary seems like a nice woman, not like a parent that would call their child names and hit them if she found out they were gay. When I realise this I take Willow's hand and entwine our fingers. Clary just smiles and leads us out to the pool where Remy and Alana are.

Just as we walk outside I turn to Willow and kiss her, giving her a small smile. When I turn around again Clary is smiling at us and Alana and Remy are making fake gagging noises. Willow and I grin before poking our tongues out at them. Then we simultaneously burst into laughter when we realise we were in sync, making the others laugh at us because we are still doing the same things.

Once the laughter has subsided, I see Clary notice the bandage on my hand. She looks concerned, "What happened to your hand, Silver?"

Remy, Alana, Willow and I all glance at each other before I reply, "Um, I just accidentally grabbed a Swiss Army knife blade and it cut me" I finish, grinning sheepishly.

"Ouch, was it deep?"

"No-" I start before I'm cut off by Alana.

"Are you freaking kidding me? I told you that it needed stitches!" She says, looking at me before she turns to Clary and finishes "It goes down the length of her palm and it was about half a centimetre deep!"

"And I told _you_ that it's fine! _Remember?_ I've had worse anyway..." I ground out before finishing quietly, looking at the ground. I can see that Willow is looking panicked and then I remember that Clary is still there. I feel myself pale at the realisation.

I start to panic and look for the quickest way out, Willow notices and grabs my shoulders, making me face her, before she cups my face with her hands. "You are not going anywhere, okay? And you are most certainly _not_ touching that knife again. Okay?" She says, looking directly in my eyes the whole time. I sigh and nod. "Good. I love you." She says, wrapping her arms around my neck and hugging me with all her might.

"I love you too" I reply as I wrap my arms around her waist. All thoughts of self harm vanishing from my mind.

I laugh and turn around, trying to lighten the mood a bit, before quickly slipping my shorts and singlet off and diving into the deep end of the pool. When I resurface Willow is taking her shorts and shirt off, leaving her in her bikini, I smile at the sight.

Clary is laying down on a pool chair looking concerned. Remy seems to be quietly scolding Alana for saying anything about my hand in front of her mom. I quickly jump out of the pool, walking over to Willow. I hear a gasp, most probably Clary as she sees the big, dark scar of the cut on my waist. I finally reach Willow and smile my most evil smile before dragging her to the deep end, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling us both in.

I quickly swim to the other end of the pool before Willow resurfaces and sit on the edge of the pool. Alana and Remy jump into the pool, effectively splashing Clary, Willow and I.

We spend a couple of hours playing around in the pool before we hop out and sunbake. I can feel Clary looking at the scars all over my body, though I don't think she's going to say anything about them. I think I should clear the water and confirm her suspicions.

I turn to face her and see her quickly look away from the scars on my thighs before I say, "Yeah, I used to cut myself. I attempted suicide, the only reason I didn't die is because Kelly made me tell her where I was. The ambulance got there just in time. I'm sorry if that disturbs you." I'm not being rude, just stating the facts and I can see that she didn't think I was being rude at all. Thank God.

"No, it doesn't disturb me at all. I'm sorry if I made you think that, I was just thinking that some of those look like they were really deep and it doesn't look like you had stitches...except on some of the ones on your wrists, that is."

I smile, thinking that we have the same straight-forward manner, before replying "You're really observant, my sister would like you. You two should meet sometime. No, I haven't had stitches for any of them except for some on my arms that were from 'The Incident'."

I notice that no-one has said anything about Willow's scars. I'm glad; I don't know if she can talk about it as freely as I feel that I can. Feeling protective of Willow, I place my left arm around her waist, making her turn to look at me. I look her straight in the eyes and silently tell her that I won't let them push her to tell them about her scars.

Just as we turn around I see Remy and Alana looking at her scars, I give a small shake of my head to them and they don't say anything. My hand starts to hurt so I look to see what's wrong with it. I can see blood through the bandage. It must have split open in the pool.

"Um, baby, my hand's bleeding again..." I say to Willow.

"Let me look at it," Willow says as she unwraps the bandage.

I hiss in pain when she accidentally touches the cut. Remy, Alana and Clary come over to look at it too.

"That's really deep," Clary exclaims.

"I know...I think I'm going to go to the hospital to see if it needs stitches..."

Alana shakes her head before saying, "I told you it needed to be checked, it wouldn't be as bad if you had had it checked when it first happened!"

I sigh before replying, "I know that but I thought it would be fine!" I see Remy and Alana out of the corner of my eye, rolling their eyes simultaneously. "Don't roll your eyes at me! You know that I've had worse and it's been fine, I thought it would be the same!"

"Well, you thought wrong. And I was right, so I think Willow should drive- What did you drive here with?"

"We rode my scooter; I drove," I state

"Okay, well, do you know how to ride it?" Alana asked Willow

"No, and even if I did, I'm pretty sure that would be illegal because I don't have a bike licence,"

"Well then, what if Remy drives you two to the hospital to get it checked out while I drive your scooter home?" Alana organises.

I look to Willow to see how she feels about this and she nods at me, "Sounds good"

"Hold on just a minute, Alana do you have a bike licence?" Clary interrupts.

"Yeah, that's why I said I'd drive it."

"Okay then, you should all get dressed and dried properly before you leave," She advises.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

As soon as we walk into the hospital I smell disinfectant and I immediately get creeped out. It reminds me of when I was here on suicide watch for three days. Alana is guiding us to the emergency room while I watch the blood oozing out of my hand. It hurts.

When we get to the counter Alana tells the nurse what happened and we are informed that we will have to wait about ten minutes for a nurse to be available to stitch it up.

Twenty minutes later Remy is driving us home. I had to get nine stitches in my hand but I'm not in any real pain from it now because they gave me a packet of pain-killers. Remy looked like she wanted to laugh at me if she didn't look as if she was on the verge of throwing up. As soon as we entered the car I laughed at her about it.

Remy

As soon as I got home from dropping Willow, Silver and Alana to their own homes I sat down to watch a bit of t.v. before dinner. After a few minutes my mom walks out of the kitchen and sits next to me. I smile at her before watching the t.v. again.

"Remy?"

"Yeah Mom?"

"Where does Willow live? Because I know you said that Silver only lives around the corner,"

"Willow lives with Silver and Silver's sister and nephew," I inform her.

She nods before saying, "Why does she live with them?"

"I don't know mom, I think her parents took it really badly when they found out she's a lesbian. I know that she used to cut and tried to kill herself though, so maybe they had something to do with that,"

"I noticed her scars this afternoon. The only reason I didn't ask is because Silver obviously tried to put the spotlight on herself so we wouldn't ask about hers. I like them, they are both good girls. I think they've both been through a lot though, so you need to make sure they know you're there for them," She paused a moment while she thought, "I want to meet her sister."

"Who's sister?" I ask, confused.

"Silver's sister; she said I would like her."

I think that would be a good and mom asks me to ask Silver for her sister's number so they can meet up for coffee or something. I've seen Ms Taylor at school before and she seems really nice, like someone my mom would get along with.

I hope they're not going to gang up on us to try and get us to do stuff...


	11. Petition

**It has recently come to my attention that there is a place we can all sign so the administrators can see the petition at **petitions/fanfiction-net-stop-the-destruction-of-fanfiction-net# **Go there and sign and spread the word! **

**There should be an update coming soon, sorry it's been so long again! I have a few pages (handwritten) sitting around the house, but I need to find them and type them up for you.**

**Thanks guys, PunkRockPessimist **


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